marți, 26 ianuarie 2010


Bai frate, ce cacat e asa de frig?
Stand si vegetand in pat de vreo 2 saptamani fara sa fac contact cu lumea exterioara, am avut azi neplacerea sa simt pe pielea mea cat de kkt de frig poate sa fie.
Normal ca la mine in pat e cald si bine, si uitandu'ma pe geam mi'am zis ca ba frate e soare n'are cum sa fie asa frig cum se plang astia. Si bine inteles ca am iesit pana in curte (in pantalonasii mei de pijama care cred ca'mi ajung pana la jumatea cracului)si m'a traznit asa un val de frig dragalas. Cred ca am ramas cu cristale de gheata pe parul de pe picioare. Da, cetisi bine, parul de pe picioare.
Bai da'o'n cacat, inteleg ca e iarna si prin definitie trebuie sa fie frig. Da' baaaa -20 de grade la sfarsitul lui ianuarie in zona de campie, what is this shit?! Pana mea, -10 parca e mai acceptabil. Noaptea, nu'n plina zi.
Ma pis pe ea de incalzire globala si pe ei de ursi polari, ca ar putea prea bine sa'si mute habitatul in Caracal, cred ca se potriveste cu polul nord right about now.
Ma lua cu frig doar gandindu'ma la ce e afara. Si ma uit pe geam, si e asa soare si fain, si zapada (urasc zapada) si parca as avea chef sa ies in parc. Dar asta ar insemna sa ies din casa. Si sa ma imbrac in 3 perechi de izmene + pantaloni de schi si alendelonul meu imens si greu care cred ca e facut pentru cresterea rezistentei spatelui, nu pentru oameni ca mine. So fuck it. Stau aici ca'i bine. Si daca chiar mi se face dor de real life, deschid geamul.

In other news. Cand pana mea e olimpiada la engleza? Ca sincer habar n'am.
Si daca cumva in mod incredibil, cineva de la Cluj citeste bloaga (kkt, nimeni nu citeste bloaga) puteti sa'mi ziceti si mie cum ii vremea p'acolo? Ca daca e sa stau o saptamana acolo, macar sa am resources the haine and stuff. La mintea mea blonda si lipsita de inteligenta practica, sunt in stare sa'mi au tricouri. I shit you not. Asta am facut anul trecut la Ploiesti. Da' bun, anu trecut a fost chiar vara pe vremea asta fata de cum ii acum.

Cred ca am abuzat de Russian Roulette de la Rihanna pana la extrem. 100 de playuri intr'o singura zi. Lol, fail

duminică, 21 iunie 2009


There's something going on between us.
Which is really a horrible description of the current situation. You're doing one thing, I'm doing another, neither of us having anything to do with the other, because that's just how it is.
So more accurately, there's nothing going on between, around, over, above, or under us. It's such a shame.
We were never very close. You used to walk by and I'd smile and get giddy on the inside when you'd bother to say "Hi." We almost never talked to eachother. Some people would think it's strange, two kids in the same group, exchanging little or no words at all.
It was all I knew.

You were my image of perfection and all that seemed to matter in the world. I fell before I could catch my breath, and you were standing there, looking down at me with that unwelcoming smirk, but I took at is as a sign of...hope? Don't you see that? I trusted you (oh, let's face it, I still do) with my life. I latched onto every word that ever fell from those perfect lips of yours, and took them as Gospel truth.

Even after I was told we couldn't be, I still thought you were telling the truth. maybe we couldn't be. Maybe I was fooling myself. But after a week of no contact and the growing number of scars on my arms, I realized how foolish I was.

You could do this. You just didn't want to. The pressure she was putting on you, the pain and shame you had to endure every day catering to her every need and not getting anything in reward was too much for you. You caved. You became more and more like them. Keeping up the pretty act, hiding your rats in the cellar. But maybe... just maybe... if you didn't think about them, the rats wouldn't be there.

But we both knew I never left. We're still spending our lives in the same school, on the same corridor. But instead of being the one you'd seek comfort in, I'm one of the rats in your cellar, hidden from the world's eyes.

I see you giving up. I watch as you purposly avoid having to look at me, avoiding to answer my questions and greetings. Because I'm not normal.
Fuck you for ever saying that! You're the king of strange, the ruler of the abnormal.

I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Am I too tall? Maybe too skinny. Maybe it's the combination of both that makes your stomach wrench with hatered when you see me.
Damn you if I don't want to just SCREAM at you. But I love you, and I can't bring myself to do that. Because you wouldn't care anyway.

You were the thread that held me together, even if you didn't know it. Now I'm seeking something else to do that...
The stitches are unravelling and everything's coming apart.
The blood is flowing down like my tears, and it's all over now... I can't hate you.

Note: you probably have no idea it's about you. You probably won't even bother to read.

vineri, 12 iunie 2009


Dar nu tocmai.
Si s'o dus si primul an de liceu. Am trait chestii noi, unele faine altele care incerc si acum sa mi le scot din cap. Mi'am dat seama de niste treburi si am cunoscut oameni foarte faini.
Acum cu inceputul oficial al vacantei de vara, stau si reflectez asupra tuturor intamplarilor mai mult sau mai putin marcante, socante yadda yadda. Aviz amatorilor : falling for someone in highschool - not advized if said someone is a jerktard. Imi dau seama acum ca mi'am pierdut aproximativ 9 luni din viata degeaba, in loc sa traiesc si sa ma bucur de libertatea ce o presupune liceul si in special inceputul acestuia. But I guess I had something to learn from that. Noooot.

Am participat la EYP (European Youth Parliament), experienta ce a apropiat un grup de 11 oameni intr'o echipa unita ce functiona ca un singur creier. Ne'a intarit ca oamnei si caracater, ne'a invatat ca teambuildingul doare ca mama dracu, si ca Suck and Blow poate fi interpretat ca un joc inocent. Ne'a invatat toleranta, cel putin pentru weekenedul petrecut acolo (ca dupaia toti am redevenit neonazisti si rasiti) si s'au inchegat prietenii. Am descoperit ca Inghetata este unul din cele mai amuzante cuvinte pe care un Mehedintean le poate spune si ca trenurile se rup. Si ca bananele lui Victor sunt omiprezente. So, let me see your funky chicken!

Lasand bullshit'ul la o parte, e vacanta. Si va fi probabil cea mai faina de pana acum. Am avut norocul sa cunosc o fata extraordinara in SUA si voi petrece vreo 3 saptamani acolo in iulie. Prilej de depravare, groupificare (Warped Tour) si testarea caruselelor adevarate, nu magariile din balciurile noastre.
Deci, Warped Tour. va fi pretty much the highlight of my summer. Pe 14 iulie, sub un kkt de soare necrutator de iulie intr'o zona de complete and utter desert, 70 de trupe fac un line up foarte genial, cu trupe faine printre care NOFX, Escape the fate, Chiodos, Breath Carolina, Anti Flag so on and so forth. Ma debusoleaza faptul ca nu sunt si formatii care imi pac in mod special (Avenged Sevenfold, 30 seconds to mars, MCR blah blah), desi probabil ca daca ar fi fost, tentatia de rape ar fi fost mult prea mare.

Ma rog, cam asta ar fi spectaculosul verii mele. Imi pare rau ca nu pot sa vad Placebo in Bucuresti si apoi Artmania la Sibiu.. *sigh* Dar vor mai fi si altele.

Vai da' mi'e o lene sa scriu. I apologize for the suckyness.

joi, 16 aprilie 2009

We're dying...

You are so afraid...

When I get nightmares and that chant fills me up body and soul, I have to open my eyes and assure myself that I was not. Definitely not. Who was the one who picked up the phone in the beginning? Who was the one who carried on after witnessing the most horrific event that my eyes had so furiously embedded in my mind? The memory stirs me in a haunted shiver at even the slightest attempt to recall. And I carried on after that, I kept walking, I kept living.

Then someone comes into my life and tells me that I am afraid. But I am not a coward. He made that clear, but I did not see the difference. I saw the diplomatic effort by which he colored his words so that I could see something softer than what it really is: the cold hard truth. I knew all of it. He knows as well, and he forgave me for it, though I had foolishly believed that there was nothing to be excused.

My explanations were vague and wandered out of my mouth to be carried away like dust in front of him. Everything that doesn’t make sense vanishes when he’s there, as if he were the source of What Only Matters, and anything other than that ceased to exist at even the slightest proximity of him.

How could yo, How could you,How could....?

And he was not blaming me. Just a simple question that made my heart beat fast, my mind so shaken that I could not manage to think a clear thought and if I spoke, it would all be stumbled words and stutters in vain air.

Then it was the pathetic retaliation, coupled with an indifferent look that marks truly the opposite feeling. I raised my eyebrows and mange to shrug, and it angered him, and it angered me more than he could know.

Why couldn’t you just say you were sick of me?

It wasn’t a question, more of a plea. And he’s broken on the floor, his small knees against his chest and I could feel him even though he had managed to stay a good distance away from me.

Yes, stay away from the monster. Its skin and tongue are poison.

He’s better than me.

If I shook my head, he’d have only cried hard enough to bury his face between his knees with a shred of characteristic pride and I’d have successfully broken him irreparably. So I was at a loss. I am not afraid. No. Yes. I am. And the truth cuts every vein and artery and capillary and nerve. And I was a corpse, looking at him, fighting with death, though I knew it really had taken him from me before I could struggle.
He cried still, turning away from me, then pressing his forehead on the bones of his knees.

You just never, never...
and the rest was a painful whisper,
wanted to know.

I never. Never. That was the word. And I didn’t know what it was for, what it meant. If I practice what I preach, what would become of me? The answer was right in front of me, and it would be forever.
We would have been. We would have been and it would have been forever.

Death is a new beginning. I am in love with beginnings. Not endings, but the unknown, the start of the path, the place where the floor and the wall kiss, where you have dreams of scaling and reaching and standing again. Anything beyond has consequences, anything beyond and after has cause and effect intricately coursing through it, and you are trapped in circumstances and reason and fate. I am afraid of that. I am afraid of stopping to welcome slipping, then clinging to welcome falling, and falling is oblivion, falling is nothingness.

In that moment with him on the floor, with me, my back longing for the wall’s support, he was dying inside, I knew.

He was sobbing. Tearing himself apart with every heaving breath and I was condemned to stand like a statue of cracking stone, watching him and feeling my tears flow down. My fingers had lost sensation. So it was death.

He choked and he looked up at me abruptly, his hair so messily, so beautifully framing his face, brilliant green, honey tinted eyes staring right through me as if I were a ghost. I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. If you’re not going to live, you don’t have to be unafraid.

We were dying. Together. We were dying.

Shit I like

I shall start with my guilty little pleasures... Brace yourselves, religious people, this'll be naaaasty.
I have a huge thing for gays. :3 They're just brilliant. Gay porn is the shizz and band slash is even fuckin better :D
Which brings me to point 2, Waycest. Ohhh yes. Brotherly love ftw. I have this RP thingy with my BFF, and whenever I'm feeling low, I'm like "GIMME WAYCEST SMEX NAO". It's just so damn addictive and it's impossible not to think that they've experienced before. I mean, look at them. They're irresistible.
FRERARD. Third on my list, Frank/Gerard slash. It's not as big as Waycest, but it's close alright. I'm not a Geetard fan, but Frank I adore, and he's such an adorable little closet gay homosexual.
SYNGEANCE. Ohhh, this is just as big as Waycest. Synyster Gates / Zacky Vengeance. Ohh nelly, put these two alone in a room with some lube and you've totally just made me happy :D They are the epitome of awesome and everything. If they ever get hitched, I will go to church, I promise.

Those were the guilty pleasures. I of course indulge in day dreams and night dreams of MYSELF raping each one of the boys mentioned above. 'Cept for Gerard. I don't likes him.
He's just THAT much of a gay homosexual.

I also like normal things, like sex and lollipops. Not at the same time, of course. Well, maybe if it's part of some kinky shit, then yes, that could work.
I'm a closet nympho. What the fuck is a closet nympho, you ask? Well, the kind that's never had sex but sex occupies their mind 99% of the time, the remaining 1% spent on imagining various positions with various people.
I will most probably be a for shizz nympho in time. Or a prostitute. But in a way, it's kinda the same damn thing.
I like groupies. I wanna be a groupie when I'm 18 and legally capable of raping sweet forbidden rockstar ass. I mean, bodies.

Pizza is my alltime favorite food, I could eat my body weight in it. Actually, I couldn't. But yeah, I like it a lot.
Chocolate, on the other hand, THAT I could eat my body weight in. It's so fuckin good and yummy and mmmmmm yeah *insert longing moan here*

Darren from WKUK is pretty much the most adorable person in the world. The fact that he looks like Mikey Way has nothing to do with it. He's just seriously amazing. If you don't know wtf WKUK is, I advise you go and youtube that IMMEDIATELY, because you're obviously missing out on a lot of great comedy.

I love sad endings. Happy endings are too overrated, in my opinion. I always kill my characters in stories and shit, or make them incredibly ill or some shit like that that's sad and depressing.

I HATE Alicia Simmons. No, it's not because she's married to Mikey. I love Synyster Gates as much as I love Mikey, and I like Michelle DiBendetto. So, that is not the cause. The fact is, she does nothing for the world. She doesn't work, she leeches off of Mikey. Has anyone not noticed how she's out of work since '05, when she started dating Mikey? She's an internet drama bitch craving for attention and using her naive husband to do so. I have no respect for this woman whatsoever.And she's a fucking lesbian.

I despise spiders, bugs or anything that has more than 4 legs. Ughhh, seriously, waking up with a spider on your face is NOT COOL. I almost ran head first into the wall to kill it.

I also hate stereotypes. I'm romanian, deal with it, I will not steal from you, I will not stab you and I will not turn you into a vampire, not even if you ask nicely.

I hate Twilight. Everybody's making such a damn fuss about, but it's epic failz0r. Vampires don't SPARKLE, damnit! Where have you been living, woman?!
Do I SPARKLE to you?

I really can't think of anything else atm. That, and I have to fap to some pictures i got of the internet.

Also, cocks.

vineri, 6 iunie 2008


Observ ca toata lumea isi face blog. Asa ca am pus marea balutza la treaba, si asa a iesit la lumina Chemical Bypass/Seize the day, sau bloaga lu' Ali.
Nu o sa auziti de la mine foarte des, doar pentru ca'mi este extraordinar de lene sa scriu.
Daca exista ceva worth while, voi scrie. Daca nu... pana mea.
Mai multe despre persoana mea poti sa aflii daca te obosesti sa dai un clic pe linkurile alea de colo din dreapta *points*